Hey hey hey..... what do you say? So it's been 3 years since I posted and here I am again.... evolving into another lifetime. What have I been up to in this time? Well living and working... loving... being married... and now separated on the verge of being divorced. Here I sit full of pain. Full of emotion. Feeling all my hopes and dreams for this life slip away.. feeling alone... unloved... unsure of how I could have stopped this... unsure of what I missed... unsure of why this had to happen his way... questioning why I allowed myself to believe in love.. allowed myself to believe anyone would love me or... make a promise to walk this journey with me. Everything I wanted...
Eh... and so here I sit... trying to push through... Trying to be ok. Breathing in... Breathing out... Just Breathe! Looking for the motivation to push... push... push... Another fucking lifetime... Another fucking chapter... Trying to have the strength to reinvent... Praying I can do this... praying I can find the will to live... to survive..
I know how to survive. I have done it my whoooooole life. Survival is a good skill in the wilderness. I was born to survive... 2 months early...2lbs they said.. and yet here I am 30 years later still surviving. Wishing I could live. Wishing..I could thrive.
I have visions of a life well lived... visions of living with grace... Self love and freedom... Thriving not Surviving..
Push... I tell myself... Push... and Breathe... Push and Breathe... Push and Breathe... That's all I have in me today.
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